My Neurospicy Soup

Since I got diagnosed a year ago, I’ve been working on unmasking my delightful Autistic self. A big part of that for me is stimming freely. Whether I’m excited, nervous, happy, or just vibing; I stim. It’s simply how I regulate my nervous system.

People sometimes assume a lot when they see me stimming in public. I’ve had complete strangers come up to me and tell me to breath when I’m just doing my thing.

A month ago I was using the self checkout and it took me a hot second to scan my lip balm. I was just vibin’, doing my finger-flicking and nail rubbing stims.

The employee managing the self-checkouts instantly materialised and told me how to scan it. Which is totally fine! But then they started guiding me through scanning everything.

“Just turn it that way a little more, here let me- oh there you got it!”

I was done scanning and went to do the rest of the buttons. This person stood watching over my shoulder and started coaching me on what buttons to push! They reacted if I pushed one they didn’t tell me to “Oh wait, oh okay, you sure?”

I wanted to get the hell outa there so I said I didn’t have a membership card.

“Oh, wait wait wait! Here (pushing the back button); Isn’t that your mom? Maybe she has a card you can use.” Then they went over to my mom, got her card from her and scanned it for me.

Maybe they were just a really friendly, helpful person? Yeah they certainly could be, but I was the only one they interacted with like this. I wasn’t struggling and I’ve used this checkout dozens of times.

This behaviour isn’t helpful to me. It’s the opposite! It’s overwhelming and stresses me out. I don’t always have the words to communicate “Thanks, but I’m good now” or “Thanks I’ll ask for help if I need it” which is frustrating.

These kinds of interactions leave me feeling conflicted. I understand they are trying to me helpful and kind, but I don’t like that the assumption that I need help. Plus, their tone of voice and the way they went about it felt kind of infantilising (and maybe a tab ableist?).

Please don’t automatically assume I need assistance simply because I’m stimming; just ask me!