Late diagnosed

Screen Time Escapism

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Escapism

“Habitual diversion of the mind to purely imaginative activity or entertainment as an escape from reality or routine.”

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

I can often identify if my neurodivergent self is stressed out by the sheer amount of screen time I’m consuming.

I’m a late diagnosed autistic. I’m still learning how to identify what I’m feeling and notice said feelings before they hit a 7. It’s hard to regulate your stress if you aren’t totally aware of it in the first place. Recently I’ve started to notice the pattern; stress leads to more screen time; excess screen time leads to more stress.

This blog post is about my personal experiences and is not professional medical or mental health advice.

As a child, my escapism was my imagination; daydreaming up stories and acting them out. Later it was devouring books instead of doing schoolwork (algebra could wait, I needed to know how Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban ended). When I acquired my own laptop and near unlimited screen time as a late teen, I binge watched YouTube until 3 am. Now I binge and rewatch my comfort shows, sometimes all day. While I don’t think there anything wrong with finding comfort from these things, it has become a bit of a problem.

Mainly the frequency is interfering with day-to-day life. It’s hard to do things (like writing this blog post) while my brain is craving the next episode of a show. To watch it right now would feel so good; but I’ve already watched an entire season today.

It’s also a short term escape from stress and just delays what what needs to be delt with. The moment I turn off my tablet the feeling of numbing bliss turns to wanting more, all while being stared at by a growing to-do list. Plus, it doesn’t just put off doing important things to the last minute, it sucks up time better spent on my interests.

If binge watching was a full-time job, I would be set for life.

But why do I need escapism at all? From sensory sensitivities, forcing eye contact, to fears of contamination and random death, life has been inherently uncomfortable and confusing for me. But now that I’m aware of it, I have a chance to change and adapt to my needs instead of cramming myself into box.

I would love to know what your early signs of stress are and what (hopefully healthier) strategies for relief you use.

Unmasking Adventures: Stimming at The Self-Checkout

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Since I got diagnosed a year ago, I’ve been working on unmasking my delightful Autistic self. A big part of that for me is stimming freely. Whether I’m excited, nervous, happy, or just vibing; I stim. It’s simply how I regulate my nervous system.

People sometimes assume a lot when they see me stimming in public. I’ve had complete strangers come up to me and tell me to breath when I’m just doing my thing.

A month ago I was using the self checkout and it took me a hot second to scan my lip balm. I was just vibin’, doing my finger-flicking and nail rubbing stims.

The employee managing the self-checkouts instantly materialised and told me how to scan it. Which is totally fine! But then they started guiding me through scanning everything.

“Just turn it that way a little more, here let me- oh there you got it!”

I was done scanning and went to do the rest of the buttons. This person stood watching over my shoulder and started coaching me on what buttons to push! They reacted if I pushed one they didn’t tell me to “Oh wait, oh okay, you sure?”

I wanted to get the hell outa there so I said I didn’t have a membership card.

“Oh, wait wait wait! Here (pushing the back button); Isn’t that your mom? Maybe she has a card you can use.” Then they went over to my mom, got her card from her and scanned it for me.

Maybe they were just a really friendly, helpful person? Yeah they certainly could be, but I was the only one they interacted with like this. I wasn’t struggling and I’ve used this checkout dozens of times.

This behaviour isn’t helpful to me. It’s the opposite! It’s overwhelming and stresses me out. I don’t always have the words to communicate “Thanks, but I’m good now” or “Thanks I’ll ask for help if I need it” which is frustrating.

These kinds of interactions leave me feeling conflicted. I understand they are trying to me helpful and kind, but I don’t like that the assumption that I need help. Plus, their tone of voice and the way they went about it felt kind of infantilising (and maybe a tab ableist?).

Please don’t automatically assume I need assistance simply because I’m stimming; just ask me!