I’m a late-diagnosed Autistic adult and I’ve always had a difficult time keeping my space tidy. Which is ironic, because I need a clean, organised space in order to focus.
I’ve tried a lot of general advice and different systems, but they’ve never really stuck. But since getting my diagnosis, I’ve been learning how my unique brain functions and how to work with it.
My main difficulty with cleaning is likely from my difficulties with executive function:
The group of complex mental processes and cognitive abilities (such as working memory, impulse inhibition, and reasoning) that control the skills (such as organizing tasks, remembering details, managing time, and solving problems) required for goal-directed behavior
It’s not uncommon to have difficulties with executive function (aka executive dysfunction) as an Autistic person.
One way to think of it is that the skills I use to keep organised and focused don’t work in the “normal” or “typical” way. Before knowing this, I’d try to make what appeared to work for everyone else (aka neurotypicals) for me work. Which always ended in frustration, and honestly still does, because I was trying to force myself to fit into a system that was not created for my brain.
“Just clean up as you go!”
I simply do not have the awareness of my actions to do this.
I’ve tried this many times, usually as a New Years resolution, and ended tired and stressed out. Doing this uses up SO MUCH mental energy. I have to stay aware of what I’m doing, while making tons of small decisions. It can also involve frequently switching between tasks, which can be irritating for me.
“Create a strict routine stick with it.“
I have lots of reasons why I’m unable to keep up with a stricter routine; chronic illness, burnout, scheduling etc. Plus I’m very good at forgetting to clean, via being focused on something else. I always end up falling behind then feeling bad about.
I also trend towards black and white; all or nothing thinking. If I can’t do it perfectly, why do it at all?
“So what does work?“
Fortunately the more I figure out what doesn’t work, the closer I become to finding out what does. I’m someone who really learns well by doing.
I know now when I set up cleaning routines, I need to be flexible. I need to do what I can with what I have (energy, executive function that day etc.). I don’t do well with strict set times, but looser ones can work. I do better batching my tasks and I try to do a small room reset in the evening as part of my winding down routine.
Done is better than perfect and doing something, anything is better than nothing.
I’m an Autistic adult and this is a small thing that makes my life just a little bit better.
I have some sensory sensitivities around clothes. Some are constant, and some come and go depending on my capacity that day. A constant one that bothers me is clothing tags. I just can’t stand something lightly touching me on my back of my neck.
Fortunately it’s an easy fix. I use a stitch ripper, a tiny pair of scissors with a sharp point, and tweezers to take them off as needed.
If a piece of clothing has specific instructions I need to follow, I just take a photo of the tag and put it in a folder on my phone.
This sensitivity is one I’ve always noticed, I just didn’t do anything about it. I think it’s because I wanted to fit in, and everyone else seemed to tolerate tags just fine.
Plus it just felt wrong to cut the tags off. Or when I did, bits were left behind and felt even worse (hence the tweezers! You can get all the bits!).
I’m a late diagnosed Autistic woman and I’m starting to be more aware of the things I collect.
Not all of them are physical items, like what I collected as a child (Disney princess toothbrushes and toy horses). My biggest collections now are actually all digital!
My laptop, tablet, and especially my phone, are low on storage. Like my phone barely runs low; because I have so many photos and videos.
At this moment, my phone has 948 photos and 46 videos of my pet aquatic snail Steve. And that’s just the ones on my phone. I have more on my camera and other devices.
That’s just one folder. I have dozens of organised folders of photos on my phone.
I notice I keep a lot of photos that other people would delete. I don’t care if they aren’t perfect. Each captures a moment or memory and that’s what important to me.
I’m currently in the process of slowly uploading my photos to a cloud, where I do have a lot of storage free. That way I can go through them easier on my laptop and reorganise them. I think I might also put some USB sticks so I have the security of second copies.
It’s really hard for me to delete photos, but I definitely need to get rid of some. I think one of the reasons this collection is so huge is because taking photos is (mostly) free.
I’m an Autistic adult and these are little things that make my life a bit easier.
Since I was a child, I’ve really liked instant oatmeal (especially apple cinnamon). This year I’ve embraced it and now I eat the same instant oatmeal for breakfast every single day.
I’m not a breakfast person. My stomach is easily upset, especially before lunch time, but a small serving of oatmeal is something I can tolerate.
I’ve tried making my own (less expensive), but the results varied a lot. If I accidentally ran out of an ingredient it was upsetting. I’m also a noise-sensitive grouch in the morning and like quickly grabbing my food and hiding from other people.
Now I just put the packet in my favorite shaped bowl, add 1/2 cup of water, and microwave 1 minute. It’s the same every time. Consistent. It’s one less thing to think about; one less decision.
Plus I have meds I need to take in the morning with food. I eat my oatmeal and take my meds. These 2 things help remind me to do the other.
As long I remember to restock the oatmeal that is….
I’m a late diagnosed Autistic woman. This is about the first time I remember noticing that I was different and started learning to mask my Autistic traits.
I was really young, like maybe 6? I don’t remember where I was, or who I was with but I was at someone’s house with a group of people. It might have been a potluck.
I was watching the other kids, when a girl went up to an adult and left with a cookie. It was one of those hard oatmeal cookies you get at the store. I wanted a cookie too, so I went up to them and asked for one.
This is the first time someone gave me what I ominously call “The Look”.
I felt like I had done something wrong. Their reaction was not what I was expecting and I was confused.
I did get my cookie and went back to observing the other kids. I started to notice when they asked for things, their voices had a different inflection and intonation. They also added a lot of pleases and thank-you’s (e.g. “Can I pleEEease have a cookie?”). My voice was flat and fast; straightforward – “Can I have a cookie.”.
It was after that I started practicing speaking. Under my breath I would repeat phrases again and again with different inflections, intonations, trying to make my voice sound less “flat”. I wanted my voice to fit in.
This was also something people noticed, because I was walking around whispering to myself all the time. If I got a positive reaction, I would repeat it back to myself to memorise the tone. If I got a negative one, I would carefully listen to other people speaking and start practicing it again. Over time, I learned how to make my voice sound more “normal”? But sometimes my tone still came out completely wrong and people would misunderstand what I meant.
Now that I’m working on unmasking, I don’t worry about my voice so much. If something comes out in the wrong tone, I say so and laugh.
(P.S. I find it hilarious that I was just sitting watching everyone. Knowing what to look for now, I was so obviously autistic. I did play with other kids, but I didn’t know how to join in without being explicitly invited to.)
I’m a late diagnosed Autistic woman and this is a small change that makes my life little bit easier.
I’m super sensitive to the texture of my lips and lick them a lot. If I forget to use lip balm, I end up stripping and chewing my lips raw. Which makes them a smooth texture, but then they really hurt!
Putting my lip balm, clearly visible,with my toothbrush helps remind me to use it. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. It’s now part of my routine to use my lip balm every time I brush my teeth.
I can even tell if I forgot to brush my teeth by the texture of my lips. I’ll notice the texture of my lips, then the texture of my teeth. If my teeth have a bad texture then I definitely forgot to brush them. Which is now a funny little association to help remind me to keep up with that annoying bit of hygiene.
(p.s. It’s driving me nuts! I really want to spell it “lipbalm” which is apparently wrong?)
Since I got diagnosed a year ago, I’ve been working on unmasking my delightful Autistic self. A big part of that for me is stimming freely. Whether I’m excited, nervous, happy, or just vibing; I stim. It’s simply how I regulate my nervous system.
People sometimes assume a lot when they see me stimming in public. I’ve had complete strangers come up to me and tell me to breath when I’m just doing my thing.
A month ago I was using the self checkout and it took me a hot second to scan my lip balm. I was just vibin’, doing my finger-flicking and nail rubbing stims.
The employee managing the self-checkouts instantly materialised and told me how to scan it. Which is totally fine! But then they started guiding me through scanning everything.
“Just turn it that way a little more, here let me- oh there you got it!”
I was done scanning and went to do the rest of the buttons. This person stood watching over my shoulder and started coaching me on what buttons to push! They reacted if I pushed one they didn’t tell me to “Oh wait, oh okay, you sure?”
I wanted to get the hell outa there so I said I didn’t have a membership card.
“Oh, wait wait wait! Here (pushing the back button); Isn’t that your mom? Maybe she has a card you can use.” Then they went over to my mom, got her card from her and scanned it for me.
Maybe they were just a really friendly, helpful person? Yeah they certainly could be, but I was the only one they interacted with like this. I wasn’t struggling and I’ve used this checkout dozens of times.
This behaviour isn’t helpful to me. It’s the opposite! It’s overwhelming and stresses me out. I don’t always have the words to communicate “Thanks, but I’m good now” or “Thanks I’ll ask for help if I need it” which is frustrating.
These kinds of interactions leave me feeling conflicted. I understand they are trying to me helpful and kind, but I don’t like that the assumption that I need help. Plus, their tone of voice and the way they went about it felt kind of infantilising (and maybe a tab ableist?).
Please don’t automatically assume I need assistance simply because I’m stimming; just ask me!
It’s a certain way people have looked at me since I was a child; and still sometimes do. It usually happens when I’m in a social interaction and I “mess up”.
By mess up, I mean I do/don’t do something neurotypicals aren’t/are expecting. Basically, my Autism is showing.
It’s the look I get when someone is done socialising with me and is waiting for me to break it off, but I don’t know how. Or when someone expects me to return small talk, but I can’t figure out what to say.
They’re often smiling, but the smile feels false, forced, and uncomfortable. Occasionally they are visibly taken aback. And their eyes, they are not smiling. Sometimes its brief, they adjust and quickly conceal it.
Very rarely this look has the quality of a predator, that has just identified new prey. It’s like they’ve detected a disturbance in the atmosphere; they’ve discovered an imposter. Aka an Autistic gal masking, just trying to fit in and feel comfortable.
I get it a lot less when I’m unmasked, because I’m not hiding anything. Instead of being anxious from slipping up, and somehow violating the secret social laws of the neurotypicals, I’m just me. And if I’m with the right people, unmasking and being my delightful self is very rewarding.
My Neurospicy Soup 