Author: Anna

Things I Collect (As an Autistic Adult): Digital Photos

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I’m a late diagnosed Autistic woman and I’m starting to be more aware of the things I collect.

Not all of them are physical items, like what I collected as a child (Disney princess toothbrushes and toy horses). My biggest collections now are actually all digital!

My laptop, tablet, and especially my phone, are low on storage. Like my phone barely runs low; because I have so many photos and videos.

At this moment, my phone has 948 photos and 46 videos of my pet aquatic snail Steve. And that’s just the ones on my phone. I have more on my camera and other devices.

That’s just one folder. I have dozens of organised folders of photos on my phone.

I notice I keep a lot of photos that other people would delete. I don’t care if they aren’t perfect. Each captures a moment or memory and that’s what important to me.

I’m currently in the process of slowly uploading my photos to a cloud, where I do have a lot of storage free. That way I can go through them easier on my laptop and reorganise them. I think I might also put some USB sticks so I have the security of second copies.

It’s really hard for me to delete photos, but I definitely need to get rid of some. I think one of the reasons this collection is so huge is because taking photos is (mostly) free.

Crocheting a Hand-Spun Yarn Blanket

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A couple years ago I learned how to spin wool into yarn. Since then, I’ve had all this bulky weight yarn I didn’t know what to do with.

I couldn’t use it for anything that sat against my bare skin because of my Autistic sensory sensitivities.

I bought some new yarn in fun colours recently. I started playing around with them and my hand spun to make granny squares. Once I figured it, out I started to crochet… and didn’t stop for 5 days straight.

I got into a hyperfocus flow where all I wanted to do was crochet.

I lost some skin on my tension holding finger, got a blister on my thumb, forgot to eat multiple times, and probably had several more important tasks to do. But I loved doing it and it felt good.

Below is 1 and 1/2 days of work.

After another day and 1/2 of work, I finished adding all the colourful borders and joined the squares all together.

I spent the next 2 days weaving in all the ends. So. many. ends.

I love it and it makes me happy.

(P.S. Sorry for any weirdly focused photos, I’m learning how to use a better camera than my crappy phone one. I don’t always realise until later the photos weren’t focused right!)

Planted Aquarium Diary: July 2025

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July 9

I’m learning to use a different camera, so bear with me as my photo quality… varies (I accidentally made the ISO too high, oops). I learn best by doing.

I finally got a lid. It doesn’t fit perfectly and there’s a large gap, but it does reduce evaporation a lot. I was getting pretty tired of always topping up the water level.

I trimmed some melting leaves on my amazon sword, and gave it a root tab.

July 19

The large val plants are blocking the light so I’m giving them a hard cut back.

I also gave it a small gravel vac. I cover it with a net to prevent sucking up the bladder snails.

July 29

I GOT SHRIMP!

I finally got shrimp! They’re the whole reason I got into planted tanks. I’ve been obsessed with them for the last 2 years.

I ordered 5 Bloody Mary Neocaridina shrimp from AquaFloraCanada and I’m so happy with them! They even sent extras! One didn’t make the trip and ended up being a travel snack for the others.

July 30

I found one dead this morning (RIP lil’ guy). The Bobette’s (Bob the Bladder’s babes) made short work of the corpse. I almost didn’t notice it. The remaining 5 seem very happy and healthy.

Besides spending a couple hours acclimatizing the shrimp and feeding, I haven’t touched the tank. I’m going to leave it be for a week to let the new lil guys settle in.

Tiny Tweaks #2: Eating The Same (Easily Accessible) Breakfast

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I’m an Autistic adult and these are little things that make my life a bit easier.

Since I was a child, I’ve really liked instant oatmeal (especially apple cinnamon). This year I’ve embraced it and now I eat the same instant oatmeal for breakfast every single day.

I’m not a breakfast person. My stomach is easily upset, especially before lunch time, but a small serving of oatmeal is something I can tolerate.

I’ve tried making my own (less expensive), but the results varied a lot. If I accidentally ran out of an ingredient it was upsetting. I’m also a noise-sensitive grouch in the morning and like quickly grabbing my food and hiding from other people.

Now I just put the packet in my favorite shaped bowl, add 1/2 cup of water, and microwave 1 minute. It’s the same every time. Consistent. It’s one less thing to think about; one less decision.

Plus I have meds I need to take in the morning with food. I eat my oatmeal and take my meds. These 2 things help remind me to do the other.

As long I remember to restock the oatmeal that is….

I Remember When I Started Masking My Autistic Traits (The Cookie Story)

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I’m a late diagnosed Autistic woman. This is about the first time I remember noticing that I was different and started learning to mask my Autistic traits.

I was really young, like maybe 6? I don’t remember where I was, or who I was with but I was at someone’s house with a group of people. It might have been a potluck.

I was watching the other kids, when a girl went up to an adult and left with a cookie. It was one of those hard oatmeal cookies you get at the store. I wanted a cookie too, so I went up to them and asked for one.

This is the first time someone gave me what I ominously call “The Look”.

I felt like I had done something wrong. Their reaction was not what I was expecting and I was confused.

I did get my cookie and went back to observing the other kids. I started to notice when they asked for things, their voices had a different inflection and intonation. They also added a lot of pleases and thank-you’s (e.g. “Can I pleEEease have a cookie?”). My voice was flat and fast; straightforward – “Can I have a cookie.”.

It was after that I started practicing speaking. Under my breath I would repeat phrases again and again with different inflections, intonations, trying to make my voice sound less “flat”. I wanted my voice to fit in.

This was also something people noticed, because I was walking around whispering to myself all the time. If I got a positive reaction, I would repeat it back to myself to memorise the tone. If I got a negative one, I would carefully listen to other people speaking and start practicing it again. Over time, I learned how to make my voice sound more “normal”? But sometimes my tone still came out completely wrong and people would misunderstand what I meant.

Now that I’m working on unmasking, I don’t worry about my voice so much. If something comes out in the wrong tone, I say so and laugh.

(P.S. I find it hilarious that I was just sitting watching everyone. Knowing what to look for now, I was so obviously autistic. I did play with other kids, but I didn’t know how to join in without being explicitly invited to.)

Tiny Tweaks #1: Lip balm

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I’m a late diagnosed Autistic woman and this is a small change that makes my life little bit easier.

I’m super sensitive to the texture of my lips and lick them a lot. If I forget to use lip balm, I end up stripping and chewing my lips raw. Which makes them a smooth texture, but then they really hurt!

Putting my lip balm, clearly visible, with my toothbrush helps remind me to use it. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. It’s now part of my routine to use my lip balm every time I brush my teeth.

I can even tell if I forgot to brush my teeth by the texture of my lips. I’ll notice the texture of my lips, then the texture of my teeth. If my teeth have a bad texture then I definitely forgot to brush them. Which is now a funny little association to help remind me to keep up with that annoying bit of hygiene.

(p.s. It’s driving me nuts! I really want to spell it “lipbalm” which is apparently wrong?)

Making a Basket With Dandelions

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I found out recently you can use spent dandelion flower stems to make cordage. I’ve made baskets with pine needles using the coiling method before, so why not dandelions! It’s difficult to forage for natural materials where I live, but dandelions grow everywhere. At least until the city sprayed all the ones in the parks. . . but I still got a backyard full to work with.

I have this cordage I made last week. I’m wetting it with a spray bottle and damp towel to make it less brittle.

I trying some cotton embroidery floss from the dollar store. Which I later regretted. It was only 2 ply and it snapped multiple times. Because of this I couldn’t pull my thread as tightly as I like.

I tie a knot onto start of the cordage (where the twist starts making a loop). Then start wrapping the thread.

Once I’ve got enough, I start to coil it. I pierce through it with a needle (using pliers as needed) to start a base. Then start stitching around it.

3 episodes of The Simpsons later and I got a nice disk for a bottom. Then I start shaping the sides, making it steadily narrower.

A couple more hours and I got a little basket! I backstitched along the top to help keep it secure.

Now to make a lid, which every tiny whimsical basket needs. It’s a pain to make, but I included a little handle.

I triple knotted the ends, trimmed any stray bits and it’s done!

Unmasking Adventures: Stimming at The Self-Checkout

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Since I got diagnosed a year ago, I’ve been working on unmasking my delightful Autistic self. A big part of that for me is stimming freely. Whether I’m excited, nervous, happy, or just vibing; I stim. It’s simply how I regulate my nervous system.

People sometimes assume a lot when they see me stimming in public. I’ve had complete strangers come up to me and tell me to breath when I’m just doing my thing.

A month ago I was using the self checkout and it took me a hot second to scan my lip balm. I was just vibin’, doing my finger-flicking and nail rubbing stims.

The employee managing the self-checkouts instantly materialised and told me how to scan it. Which is totally fine! But then they started guiding me through scanning everything.

“Just turn it that way a little more, here let me- oh there you got it!”

I was done scanning and went to do the rest of the buttons. This person stood watching over my shoulder and started coaching me on what buttons to push! They reacted if I pushed one they didn’t tell me to “Oh wait, oh okay, you sure?”

I wanted to get the hell outa there so I said I didn’t have a membership card.

“Oh, wait wait wait! Here (pushing the back button); Isn’t that your mom? Maybe she has a card you can use.” Then they went over to my mom, got her card from her and scanned it for me.

Maybe they were just a really friendly, helpful person? Yeah they certainly could be, but I was the only one they interacted with like this. I wasn’t struggling and I’ve used this checkout dozens of times.

This behaviour isn’t helpful to me. It’s the opposite! It’s overwhelming and stresses me out. I don’t always have the words to communicate “Thanks, but I’m good now” or “Thanks I’ll ask for help if I need it” which is frustrating.

These kinds of interactions leave me feeling conflicted. I understand they are trying to me helpful and kind, but I don’t like that the assumption that I need help. Plus, their tone of voice and the way they went about it felt kind of infantilising (and maybe a tab ableist?).

Please don’t automatically assume I need assistance simply because I’m stimming; just ask me!

My Planted Aquarium (June 2025)

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June 9.

Here we are again on my quest for the most beautiful planted tank in all the lands! As you can see, I like to soak my air plants in my aquarium. This way they get chlorine free water along with some nutrients. Just don’t do this if you use anything with copper in your aquarium, as it will kill air plants.

I’m starting by trimming and removing melted leaves

I want to give the sword plant more space, so I’m removing any Vallisneria that is too close.

If I wasn’t so tired, I would try selling the plants I pull out and trim.

Now that it isn’t tangled up, the sword plant looks much better.

I tucked some of the Vallisneria behind the branch.

I stuck in some blanched cucumber, topped up the water, and added liquid fertiliser.

June 17.

With each week I’m happier and happier with how it looks! My mystery snail, Steve is about 1.5 years old now. Personally I think he’s adorable.

I’m removing some algae this week. I used to have trouble with hair algae, but this is a new one. It’s slower growing and feels very sticky. Unlike hair algae, it attaches to surfaces very well. I found the easiest way to get it off is to use my fingers and rub it into a ball.

I’m trimming this plant and propagating it. I also trimmed the Rotala to give it more light.

I removed a bit more of the Vallisneria, added 2 broken up root tabs, liquid fertilizer, and left it at that.

June 24.

I’m doing a quick parameter check with some strips. I’ve checked these against the API freshwater test kit and they do pick up the nitrate fairly well.

I checked to see if the pH was high enough for the snails.

I’m removing some pups and trimming some jungle Vallisneria leaves.

Removing more algae (mostly growing on my pre-filter sponge).

I was tired so I just finished by topping up the water and adding liquid fertilizer.

“The Look”: When I Failed to Mask My Autistic Traits (Pre-Diagnosis)

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There’s this thing I call “The Look”.

It’s a certain way people have looked at me since I was a child; and still sometimes do. It usually happens when I’m in a social interaction and I “mess up”.

By mess up, I mean I do/don’t do something neurotypicals aren’t/are expecting. Basically, my Autism is showing.

It’s the look I get when someone is done socialising with me and is waiting for me to break it off, but I don’t know how. Or when someone expects me to return small talk, but I can’t figure out what to say.

They’re often smiling, but the smile feels false, forced, and uncomfortable. Occasionally they are visibly taken aback. And their eyes, they are not smiling. Sometimes its brief, they adjust and quickly conceal it.

Very rarely this look has the quality of a predator, that has just identified new prey. It’s like they’ve detected a disturbance in the atmosphere; they’ve discovered an imposter. Aka an Autistic gal masking, just trying to fit in and feel comfortable.

I get it a lot less when I’m unmasked, because I’m not hiding anything. Instead of being anxious from slipping up, and somehow violating the secret social laws of the neurotypicals, I’m just me. And if I’m with the right people, unmasking and being my delightful self is very rewarding.

It’s how I’ve found true friends.